The Royal Ball
by Rytex
Summary: Zelda throws a ball as an opportuniy to get Link. little does she know, she's not the only one out for him... The final pairing has been decided and so has the situation that will make it happen!  However, I have hit WRITER'S BLOCK.
1. Introduction

**Part 1: The Day the Ball is Announced**

Chapter 1: Introduction

Just another typical Hylian day...

So thought Link as he walked through Castle town toward the Bazaar. In his recent expedition into the Gerudo Training Ground, a like-like ate his shield. When he entered, the giant hairy man behind the counter gave him the "Shopkeeper's Glare."

"One Hylian Shield."

"That'll be eighty rupees."

Link gave him four reds he found.

"Thanks, kid."

He pulled a Hylian shield off the shelf behind him and handed it to Link.

Link walked out into the square.

Everything was quiet. Not even the two laughing idiots were making noise. Link noticed a Royal Messenger nailing up a notice to the sign in the square. Apparently, this was what everyone else was looking at too. As he walked toward the crowd, two people, a man and a woman, who happened to be the dancing lovers, screamed out loud.

"A BALL!?"

Link blinked uncomprehendingly.

Ball? What's a ball?

Navi flew out of his cap.

"Hey! What's all this noise!?"

Link pointed at the now-visible sign.

Navi flew up to it to read it.

"By order of blah blah blah... The Royal Family is throwing a ball to honor blah blah... The Hero of Time blah blah... Hey Link! Zelda'll be there."

Meanwhile, next to a brown horse pulling a cart full of milk...

"Ok. Delivered the Castle Town Supply. Now I have to deliver the Kakariko supply."

A fifteen year old redhead pulled the horse toward the gate to Hyrule field.

"Hey Link! Zelda'll be there!"

She stopped. Had she heard right? Link was here?

She noticed a large crowd of people gathered around a sign, talking heatedly.

A fairy flew out of the crowd. She looked blue and familiar. She flew toward a kid in green standing in front of the bazaar.

"Link?"

Link heard the call. That sounded familiar...

"Malon?"

She ran at him, leaving the cart alone by the Bombchu Bowling Alley.

"Wow! I never thought I'd see you here again."

Link grinned sheepishly.

"Yeahhhhh, I came back to buy a shield... Mine got eaten by-"

"Wow... You must be very unlucky. Hello Navi. You've grown brighter."

"Thanks Malon."

"Whats all the ruckus about?"

"Awww just some ba-"

Link covered Navi's mouth with a finger.

"Shush!" he hissed.

Malon looked suspiciously at Link, then smiled.

"I already know about the ball. Father's being forced to supply food and non-alcoholic drink for it. I don't think I'm going though. Too much work."

Link began to walk to the exit of the town.

"Well, this has been enlightening, but I really must be going."

"Where do you go to?"

"Here and there... I never settle down. It's just a habit of mine."

"Wait. I wanna see Epona."

"She's not here. I used my ocarina to warp here."

"Where is she?"

Link smiled.

"Come see."

They exited the town. Link pulled out his ocarina and played Epona's song. The horse neighed and ran up from the direction of Lake Hylia.

"Wow..."

Epona had grown since she last saw her.

She still had a deep red coat and the brilliant white mane, but she seemed to be able to run faster and longer.

Meanwhile, in Kokiri Forest...

The Hylian messenger walked up to the sign that the kokiri read for Hylian news and posted the notice. Minutes after he left, Mido walked out.

"How can I get Saria to fall for me... Hmmm... I can give her flowers."

He picked the notice off. His eyes brightened immediately.

In Zora's Domain...

"Notice for the Zora! From Her Royal Majesty, Princess Zelda!"

Ruto took the message back to King Zora, thinking Just another boring notice. Oh, if only her Linky would visit...

The word Ball caught her eye. She read it.

"Oh yeah..."

The planning began...

**R&R**


	2. Princesses and Plots

**Yeah, I felt like putting Midna in here, so here she is!!**

Chapter 2: Princesses and Plots

The ball was scheduled for July 10. That was in two weeks. Two weeks of dodging requests to be a date. Two weeks of hiding out in his cave near Lake Hylia. Two weeks of not venturing out into Hyrule.

Link sighed. It was going to be a long two weeks.

In Hyrule Castle...

Zelda sat in her room, bored. She had planned this ball as the perfect opportunity for Link to ask her out. Save for one appearance in Castle Town this morning, the Hero of Time hadn't been seen since last week. Zelda was getting impatient. And when she's impatient, she gets desperate. She smiled as she removed a shard of a mirror from her dresser. When she looked inside, she saw a familiar eye.

"Yes princess?"

Midna sounded bored.

"Hello Midna. How are you?"

"Zelda, what do you want?"

She also sounded edgy.

"Since you insist, I planned a ball."

"Here we go. You want the Twili love spell don't you."

"Well, yes and no. I want you to cast it on Link."

Midna hid a smile. What perfect timing.

"I suppose I can... But it'll cost you."

"What?"

"Once you use him for your purpose, I get him for mine."

Zelda felt a little annoyed.

"Fine."

"Ok. Bye."

The eye vanished as she laughed her mysterious laugh.

At Gerudo's fortress...

"Nabooru! Have you seen Link anywhere?"

One of the Gerudo girls ran up.

"No. Why?"

"He went in to the Training grounds last night and hasn't come out."

"Im sure he just warped to Castle Town I replace his shield or something. We DO have Like-Likes in there after all."

"Ohhh. And a postman said to give this to our leader."

"He gave it to you!?"

"Actually, I stole it. It was all he had."

Nabooru calmed down.

"Thanks."

It was a notice from the Royal Family, and it concerned a ball.

At Zora's Domain...

Ruto laughed evilly at the bottle of potion she held. It was a deep pink. But it was a powerful Zora love potion. She heard that her dad used it in her mom. But how to make a stock of it, and where...

A Zora walked into the room.

"Excuse me Princess, but I was told to give you this."

He gave her an envelope.

"Thanks!"

"My pleasure."

He turned to exit, stopped when he saw the potion, and asked "Who is he?"

She tried every possible way to parry the question, but the young Zora was persistent.

Finally, trying to hide her furious blush, she simply stated "Link."

The Zora smiled.

"Then he would be lucky to have you."

He left. She wiped her brow.

"Phew!"

Near Lake Hylia...

Link climbed over the first large fence leading to the lake. Then he turned to Epona.

"Can you go back to the Gerudos?"

The horse neighed, then turned around.

"Good girl."

She trotted off. Link placed a bomb over the ground and ran away. It exploded, revealing a small hole. He grabbed a small boulder and pulled it over as he dropped. A small patch of grass sat at the end. A deku scrub made his home in it. He once sold Link a piece of heart for ten rupees. What a bargain.

The scrub peered out.

"Hello mister Link. How were the training grounds?"

Link grunted.

"Bad huh?"

"Lost my shield."

"Oh."

"Now I have to hide in here for two weeks. FOURTEEN STRAIGHT DAYS!!"

"What for?"

"A ball."

"A ball? What do you mean? What is a ball?"

"Its like a big fancy dance party. A guy usually takes a girl that he asks. But Im going to be HUNTED DOWN, DAY AND NIGHT."

Link noticed his shadow quiver.

"Oh no."

A tall girl in a black, blue and green colored cloak appeared. She wasn't an ordinary girl. She had grey skin, red eyes, and orange hair. It was Midna.

"Why hello there Link. Long time no see."

He retreated into his tent and zipped it shut.

"Aww, don't be like that..."

The scrub hid in his patch of grass. Midna looked at the patch of Deku grass before saying "You must really be bored here, huh?"

Link simply said "Go away."

"Why? Aren't you happy to see me?"

"More than you know, but go away!"

She laughed. Typical Link. Choosing the best hiding spot, being completely rude to anyone who entered who wanted him.

She began muttering in the Twili language. Now all she had to do was touch him to transfer the magic.

Link opened the tent enough to stick his head out.

"I mean it Midna. Please go away."

She sighed.

"You," she pointed at his face, placing her finger on his brow. "are just so dang brusque sometimes, aren't you."

She closed her eyes, pretending to be annoyed.

"Fine. I'll leave. Bye."

She actually had no intention of leaving. As she was about to step on the glowing pedestal, she felt Link grab her shoulder.

"Wait. Please, stay."

**Link! Stop! You're brainwashed! R&R!**


	3. Backfiring, Full Circle

**Now Midna makes Zelda mad…**

Chapter 3: Backfiring Full Circle

Zelda sat in her room. What was taking Midna so long? It had been nearly two whole hours. It shouldve only taken her maybe ten minutes. If the Twili love spell worked, Link wouldve come running up to the castle, past all the guards.

She sighed. She would look like a complete fool if she, the one who organized this, came without a date. Dear Goddesses! Why does Link avoid everyone now? He's back from Termina, and now he rarely shows his face.

She had even invited a few people from Termina also. Kafei, now returned to his original age, Anju, two girls named Cremia and Romani, the Happy Mask Salesman, and Darling and Honey (if that's actually their names). When Link returned, three months after he left Hyrule, he had come straight to Hyrule Castle, where he told his story.

Skull Kid had been kind enough to deliver the notice to Termina, and he planned on coming with Tatl and Tael. Link had found Navi in the care of the new Deku tree a day later. Journey ended. He did have a new sword which looked really awesome.

Then she heard the sound if Midna's teleportation.

"Finally."

Midna appeared.

"I did my job, but I also took my payment too."

"Huh?!"

"See, you only told me to use the spell, figuring that I would know that he had to love you. Well, I took that and used it as my way of payment."

Zelda looked stunned.

"Dont tell me."

Midna licked her lips.

"Wow. I never wouldve guessed that Link was such a good kisser."

Zelda let out a yell of anger.

"Relax. I removed it. It'll still have a little residue on him, making him fall for the next relatively human girl he sees. No fairys, no Gorons, no Zoras. Just don't let him near them or the Kokiri. The Zora love potion, when mixed with this spell, makes him run rampant. He could fall for girls or guys! And the Kokiri salve does away with it. He loses his attraction. You might want to get a move on."

Zelda hugged her tightly.

"Midna, you're the best."

"I know, but I love hearing other people say it too."

"Where is he?"

"In a cave down by Lake Hylia. I'll port you outside it if you need to, but bring a bomb."

**Run fast Zelda! He'll probably be gone when you get there, anyways… R&R!**


	4. A Little RaceMixing

**Here's for all you LinkxSaria idiots.**

Chapter 4: A Little Race-Mixing

At Kokiri forest...

Mido walked into his house. He had spread the word of the ball, and everyone was talking about it. Saria turned him down, however. Then he asked Fado, the blonde Kokiri. She accepted. However, over at Saria's house, something was afoot.

Saria sat mixing a number of things together. She was making a Kokiri love salve. She'd been using it for as long as Link had been around. When she first started making it, she had to test it. Her first attempt went horribly wrong, and caused the Kokiri Mido usually had moving rocks, to start humping one. Yes, it went very wrong indeed. Next, she used it on Mido. This one worked a little too good. Now he was so annoying. The one time she used it on Link, the nightmares of Ganon counteracted it. Then she stopped entirely.

She smiled. Link would never see this coming.

At the Lake Hylia cave...

Link sat in his tent, half disgusted, half joyful. Midna did know how he worked. He wished she didn't have to use a Twili spell to make him be as befuddled as he was. But he had no idea what that spell would mean later.

He decided he needed a new hiding spot. And he knew just the place: The Fairy Fountain in the Lost Woods.

He played the Minuet of Forest on his ocarina. As he prepared to warp, he packed his tent and said goodbye to the scrub.

He appeared on his usual pedestal. Luckily, Saria was nowhere in sight. He ran right by the mad scrubs and climbed the ladder. Then he jumped down the hole in the ground. Then he ran to the fairies. One of them began healing him.

"Oh dear. Twili love spell."

Link came to from his reverie of having made out with Midna.

"Huh? I thought she took it off."

"It's a Twili spell. There's bound to be a little magic left behind. Unfortunately, Twili magic is mostly uncurable. This is one of those uncurable ones. If you had some blue potion, it might be able to cure it, but it's best to wait until this wears off."

"How long dies it take!?"

"Normally, about two weeks."

"Are you kidding!?"

"Whats the rush?"

"Zelda threw a ball. I have to stay away from everyone for two whole weeks!"

The fairy began laughing.

"Shut up."

He began to rummage around in his giant pack. He felt the handle of his Hookshot. He pulled it out.

"Maybe..."

He stepped into the beam of light. Then he ran back to the Sacred Meadow. No one in sight. He hookshotted up to the temple.

As he entered the main room, he saw the usual four poes, Beth, Amy, Joelle, and Meg floating near the torches.

Beth gave an excited snicker.

"Oh look. Another one."

Instead, Link held out all his small keys.

"Huh?"

"Listen. I don't want anyone getting through to me. I'm going into hiding for two weeks."

Joelle laughed.

"That we can do."

Minutes later, in the boss room...

"Thanks girls!"

"All too welcome young Hylian."

They all vanished.

Meanwhile outside...

Saria walked up to the temple entrance.

Her sage sense told her Link was here.

As she made her way through the dungeon, the Poe sisters saw her.

"Oh no. She'll ruin everything."

"Oooh look. She has a Kokiri love salve. What do you say girls?"

They all laughed and lit their torches.

Inside the inner sanctum...

"Did I just hear the elevator?" asked Navi.

"Oh no."

Link frantically began to look for a way out. Then Saria walked in.

"Ohcrapohcrapohcrap!" he thought.

She spotted Link.

"Hey Link!"

She ran up and hugged him.

"Where have you been?"

He started thinking things like "Oh Din kill me now!". Then randomly the thought "My, does her hair look beautiful today." came up.

Her hug had pushed him into one of the spear walls, cutting his back.

"Ow!"

She looked up.

"What?"

"Cut... My... Back..."

"Oh! I'm sorry. Can I heal it?"

He responded by lying flat and stopping his moving. Navi began to talk to Saria's fairy very animatedly.

Saria rubbed the salve on his gash to get it into the blood circulation, then proceeded to use the real healing medicene on him.

"There. All done."

Link's back became whole once again.

"Saria, thanks."

He started blushing furiously as the salve got the adrennaline going. Common side effect. Then it started messing with his hormones, namely, his testosterone. She simply waited. He watched her, confused and wary. Then, without warning, he giggled.

"What?"

"You look so nice today..."

Navi stopped her conversation and looked down at him with an "Oh I knew this was going to happen" expression on her face. The other fairy, Jhan, laughed.

Saria responded with a dirty look at the two of them, then said "Glad you noticed."

She blushed furiously and leaned forward ever so slightly. Link noticed, an soon they were making out.

"Wow. She looks so nice and she tastes so goo- WHAT AM I DOING?!?" he thought.

He jumped away as the salve counteracted the Twili spell.

Saria looked toward where he ran, both happy that she'd made out with Link and stunned at how the salve failed.

Outside...

Link ran away as fast as he could from the temple.

"Where can I go!?"

Navi flew up.

"Make up your mind. First, you make out with Midna, then you run away. Next, you make out with Saria. Now you run away. Who's next? Ruto? Nabooru?"

"Shut up Navi."

He wandered around the Lost Woods for a few more hours.

"Oh! Mister Link!"

It was the Skull Kid. Tatl and Tael were flying behind him.

"Tatl! Skull Kid!"

"Ahem..."

"Oh and Tael."

Navi looked at the purple fairy.

"Hey, he's kinda cute..."

Unknown to her, Tael was thinking the same thing.

Tatl started making her jingling noise at the sight of Link.

"Link!!! How have you been!?!?!?!?"

She started zooming around him. Navi cleared her throat in an obvious manner.

Tatl backed off.

"I heard you were going to the princess' ball. Sounds like the Carnival of Time if you ask me."

"I'm trying to avoid every girl I see for an obvious reason."

"I see. Well, we don't have to worry about it."

Over at Zora's Domain...

"Lets see... I can take the lost woods shortcut... He might be hiding in there..."

The princess of the Zora dove into the water that entered the Lost Woods.

Upon arrival, she heard him talking to the Skull Kid. Zoras have strong hearing so as to be able to speak and hear clearly in water.

"Oh Linky here I come!"

Back at Skull Kid's hiding place...

"Uh-oh. Zora alert. Smells like a younger one." Skull Kid said.

"Ruto..."

Link ran as fast as he could into the Kokiri Forest.

**R&R!**


	5. Zelda vs Nabooru vs Malon

**Now for an actual fight over Link.**

Chapter 5: Zelda vs. Malon vs. Nabooru

Midna's teleportation took Zelda directly to the hole in the ground. However, upon entry, she saw no Link. Only a Deku scrub.

"Oh it's you..." muttered the scrub at the sight of Midna.

"Who are you?" asked Zelda.

"I live here. Mr. Link did too until you came..." he glared at Midna.

"You mean he left?" asked Zelda.

"Yes."

"Where to?"

"No idea. Try places he likes to stay at."

Zelda immediately thought of two places to look.

Minutes later, she entered the Gerudo's Fortress. Nabooru ran up to her.

"Princess. Why are you here?"

"I seek the Hero of Time."

Nabooru hid a face of annoyance. She had come to steal him. And she couldn't refuse legally.

"He ain't here."

"Eh?"

"He. Isn't. Here."

"He isn't?!"

"Havent seen him since last night when he went into the training grounds."

"That must be why he came to Castle Town this morning..."

Without another word, she used Farore's Wind and whisked off to Lon-Lon Ranch. Unfortunately for her, Nabooru grabbed her dress and was teleported as well.

Meanwhile, in the hay building...

Malon scooped some hay into the feeding trough for the cows. She sighed. She had hidden part of the truth from Link earlier. She wouldn't go because he was probably going to ask Zelda.

A noise she heard a little too often, which usually signified the Princess' arrival, met her ears.

Speak of Ganon...

Not only did she hear the Princess, she also heard an unfamiliar voice that sounded like a Gerudo accent. They seemed to be arguing.

"WHY DID YOU FOLLOW ME!?" asked the Princess.

"HE STILL OWES ME FOR HIS TRIP INTO THE TRAINING GROUNDS!!" answered the Gerudo.

She walked outside. Sure enough, a Gerudo was arguing with the Princess. Malon ran up to some of the horses, who were scattering with fear, and attempted to calm them down. It worked until a magic duel began between the Great Sage and the Sage of Spirit.

"Din's Fire!"

"Desert Wasp!"

Fire flew from the Princess' hands as a whirlwind of sand surrounded The Gerudo and expanded outward.

"WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING HERE!?" Malon shouted at the two unwelcome women.

They both glared at her, then at each other, then resumed dueling, ignoring her. Sighing in an annoyed manner, she walked over to the hay barn, where she stored her cattle prod inside of a small furnace, so as to keep the tip ready. She pulled the tip off the poker and walked back outside.

Zelda was now sporting lightning on her fingers, and the Gerudo had sand armor much like Gaara's in Naruto, only it did not assume her shape. It looked like a normal suit of armor, only made of sand, and with a spike in place of each hand. They again glared at her, but this time, she attacked them. Zelda pulled out a rapier, and the Gerudo's hands assumed the shape of two double-sided scimitars.

Clang!

Her iron poker was blocked by a very elegant blade. In the young swordsman's other hand was a simple sword, blocking Zelda's rapier. The man was hunched over as a Hylian Shield strapped to his green tunic blocked the Gerudo's scimitars.

"Enough! No more fighting over me! I'm simply not going!"

The young man looked angrily at Zelda. It was Link to no one's surprise.

However, at his words, Zelda's eyes blazed with anger and fear.

Ha! Malon thought. You can't have him, wench!

Link threw his hands above him, palms open to the sky, and vanished. At once, the Gerudo whirled around and stormed off to her fortress, Zelda dropped to her knees, and Malon simply walked to the house, sadness overcoming all emotions.

Zelda remained in that position for a long while, crying silently to herself.

He won't go... He's the only one I want to go with... Oh, what will the people think when their own princess cannot find a date to a ball she organized?

She heard footsteps approach her, but she did not care.

"My princess, what is the matter?"

"This ball is causing no end of trouble... The only person that I would ask to this ball just rejected every single maid in the kingdom... Including his own princess, one of his closest friends..."

She looked up. To her astonishment and anger, it was Link. He looked at her sternly.

"You attempted to force me to come with you by having Midna cast a Twili love spell on me. If there is one thing I hate, it is being forced to do something against my will. You, Saria, Nabooru, you all attempted to force me to love you. Not one of you has won my love or even allegiance, save for you because I must obey you."

And with that, the young Hylian mounted Epona and rode off toward the lake.

Meanwhile...

"He's on the move. Why would my fiancé avoid me like this? Oh Linky I will find you!"

She passed by a gossip stone she hadn't seen before.

"I wonder what this one says..."

She used the Zora magic to listen.

"Responding to the magic you used, I overheard this... They say that nearly every maid in Hyrule is chasing the Hero of Time."

Ruto stared at the stone for a long while.

"Link! You unfaithful little-!"

She pulled some grass up to reveal a bomb and she placed it next to the stone. The bomb exploded and the gossip stone flew into the air like a rocket.

"Well then, I'll just have to..."

She smiled as she thought of the old coot in the lakeside lab.

Meanwhile, back at the hole in front of Lake Hylia...

"Welcome back Mr. Link." said the scrub as he flew in.

"Hey scrub."

"I trust that you will be staying indefinitely?"

"You are right."

"Good. The last few hours were rather boring."

"Mine were rather eventful."

"Were they?"

He told the story.

"Well now, Zelda's getting very impatient isn't she."

"No joke."

Meanwhile, back at Lon-Lon Ranch...

Malon sat next to her usual pile of hay. Of course in utter misery, she sat quietly sobbing.

"Why won't he ask me? Even Mr. Ingo thinks he should... Although he usually grumbles about how he does all the work, his comments changed..."

Then she decided that she would find him and tell him the truth.

She saddled her horse and rode off.

**Yeah! Fight like girls! R&R!**


	6. Malon's Search

**Now for Ruto's moment.**

Chapter 6: The Hero and The Zora

Meanwhile, at Ice Cavern...

"No one would think to look for the pot in here."

Ruto had a full pot of the Zora Love Potion. It was required to be stored in a cold place, and since she was the only Zora able to go through the ice unharmed, being Sage of Water, it was perfect.

Now, last she heard, he had disappeared from public view after stopping a fight between Nabooru, Malon, and Zelda, leaving all of them heartbroken. It was now perfect timing for her potion. The only thing now able to stop the potion would be some Gold Chu Jelly or Great Fairy's Tears.

Meanwhile, in Gerudo Desert...

"Hero, you have overcome many ordeals. Take these tears as a reward."

Link took the bottle the fairy gave him.

"If you need a refill, I'll be at any fairy cave or spring."

"Thanks."

That was wayyy shorter than he thought it would be.

He returned to his hole in the ground.

"Good. I got a Great Fairy's Tears in case Ruto has some potion or something for me."

"I see. Good luck during the next thirteen days."

"Thanks Scrub."

"Youre welcome hero."

"Now where would a good place to hide be at?"

"Ice Cavern? None of the Zora can go there. Means your Ruto can't go there."

"Good idea."

He exited the cave.

Meanwhile, riding out on Hyrule Field...

"Now where could he be?"

Currently Malon was up north close to Castle Town.

"Didn't he like to hide by the Lake?"

She took off.

Meanwhile, in the Ice cavern...

Ruto cackled. The potion was almost finished. Now it had to stew in the cold for ten minutes. But just in case Link came in early, she had prepared a bottle. She ran into the room where the White Wolfos got it's butt kicked and sat, rubbing her fins next to a blue fire bonfire.

Link, entering the cavern, proceeded to a room with blue fire in it. He figured it would make a good place to camp. What he didn't expect was a cauldron of some pink potion to be sitting over it. He sniffed. It smelled like hay, horses, and a certain redheaded girl...

Of course. The potion was Amortentia. A zora potion, designed to cause a powerful infatuation, bordering on obsession. In order to tailor it to make the special one fall for you, you had to place a hair into the potion. But that meant Ruto...

"Didnt think I'd find you in here, Linky."

Link jumped around. A certain Zora stood there, arms crossed. Sh looked annoyed.

"Can't you cough or clear your throat or something?" he asked.

"No."

"Why is there a cauldron of Amortentia here?"

Ruto's face brightened.

"I was planning on making a stock and selling it to the general public."

"Why?"

"With the ball in a few weeks, everyone will be searching for a date, I could sell this for three hundred rupees a bottle. Instant money."

"How do you know if it's ready?"

"Easy. You taste it. Normally, you need a Great Fairy's Tears, or Gold Chu Jelly to counteract it, but smell also works, though it's less precise. Sometimes, if it smells like it's ready, it could turn even the straightest man gay."

Link shuddered. Ruto laughed.

"Would you like to take a sip? I think, knowing you, you have gold chu jelly or Great Fairy's Tears."

"Youre right. Why not?"

He scooped some out. Ruto laughed in her mind. She had put a poisonous counteractive in the potion. It only poisoned those without Great Fairy's Tears. If Link took it, then the tears, it'd counteract the poison, leaving the Amortentia to do it's dirty work.

He sipped.

"Tastes like cherries." he said as he drank the tears.

Then, just like with Saria, his cheeks grew red as the adrenaline started going. Then Link fainted. Expected, as the poison did that. So she picked up his limp body, redressed him in a Zora tunic, then swam to the Water Temple.

**Ruto, you're evil. R&R.**


	7. The Hero and the Zora

**Now Malon's after Link. Anyone else?**

Chapter 7: Malon's Search

Malon dismounted her horse. She was out by Link's hole in the ground, where Epona was tethered. Epona nickered.

"Easy, girl." she said, feeding her a carrot and stroking her back.

She jumped in the hole. A Deku Scrub sat in it's pile of leaves, humming a song to itself.

"Hey, is Link here?"

"No. He left for Kakariko Town earlier today." said the scrub.

"Oh." she said.

"Excuse me, what's your name?"

"Malon."

"Youre the Malon he speaks so highly of?" he asked.

She blushed a little.

"I think so."

"Well then, I lied. He went to hide in the Ice Cavern. He was trying to hide from Ruto, as Ruto was one of the only girls who hadn't done something drastic to get at him yet."

"So where is Ice Cavern?"

"Out behind Zora's Domain, and I don't think they'll let you in."

"Good point."

"But I, however, have a solution. A friend of mine in Termina sold me a mask not too long ago with the power to turn a human into a Zora. I could part with it for, say, a bottle of Lon-Lon milk."

Malon gave a bottle to him.

"Thanks. Here you go."

He gave her a mask that looked like a Zora face.

She gazed at it curiously. Link had spoken of this. He had used it to end a curse at the ocean.

She put it on. Instantly, she transformed into a Zora female.

"Whoa..."

"Not a bad likeness." said the scrub.

"Thanks."

"Now go find Mr. Link. It is extremely boring when he isn't here."

She ran out to the river and swam up it then jumped through the waterfall.

It was a rather pretty place, but she needed to find the Ice Cavern. She remembered that the source was at the top of the small mountain. She climbed the stairs, snuck past the sleeping king, and looked for a cavern. What he saw was a huge crack in the rock wall, and an icy wind blowing from it.

"I guess that's it."

She swam up and jumped out o the water, into the cavern.

As soon as she entered, it was almost too cold to do anything. Then she remembered that Zoras are supersensitive to ice. She removed the mask.

A strange smell met her nose. Hay, horses, leaves from the forest, and a certain Hero...

She followed it, then found herself before a cauldron full of pink potion. It was the source of the smell.

"What's this?"

She bottled a little bit and sipped. She could detect a little poison... Not enough to hurt her, but still enough to taste it.

"Where would she have gone? I remember Link saying something about a Water Temple being under Lake Hylia... Oh Goddesses I had better get there quickly!"

She returned to the waterfall and jumped down with the Zora mask on, landing by the little passage to the lake. She swam into the temple.

**She finally figured it out. Now for the climax of part 1. R&R.**


	8. The Utterly Boring Climax of Part 1

**Link and Ruto enjoy a slightly civil conversation.**

Chapter 8: The Utterly Boring Climax of the First Part of the Story

Link woke up. He was in a room with four platforms in a pool of water. He remembered this room. It was where he fought Morpha in the Water Temple. Wait. The Water Temple!? That meant that-

"Oh Linky! You're finally up!"

Son of Ganondorf. Ruto. That potion must have knocked him out

"I was wondering when you would come to." she said, a really big smile on her face.

"Ruto, what do you want?"

She started trying to cuddle with him.

"Oh, you should know what I want. We ARE engaged after all..."

"RUTO! I AM A FREAKIN' TWELVE YEAR OLD!!"

"I know. I didn't mean THAT. I meant you to take me to that ball."

"Oh. That's better."

"So then, my Linky, when and where shall-"

"Aha!" came a female Zora's voice. It sounded strangely like Malon.

A Zora girl about his age stood in the door of the room. She had a red headtail.

"Malon? Malon, is that you?"

The Zora pulled her face off. There was a bright flash of light and Malon appeared with Mikau's mask.

"Link, you do realize a slimy fish thing is trying to cuddle with you, right?"

"Excuse me!? I am the PRINCESS of the Zora! I am Zora Royalty! At least call me a slimy fish PRINCESS if anything!"

Link thought that this fight would actually turn fun to watch.

Malon splashed Ruto with Morpha's water. Ruto laughed.

"I'm a Zora, remember? I use water to breathe!"

An aura of blue magic appeared in her hands, and some water flew up and fell onto Malon.

"Hey! That wasn't funny!!"

Link took the opportunity and snuck out the door while they were focused on each other. He figured he could possibly get back to maybe that back room in Lon-Lon Ranch's hay barn without then noticing, he might be able to hold out until the ball.

That is, if Malon, Talon, or Ingo didn't catch him, which Ingo wouldn't because he was always shoveling manure, and Talon wouldn't because he was always sleeping. Which left Malon.

As far as Link could tell, she was the only one not too desperate for him. Searching all over Hyrule for him was one thing, but fighting Zelda and Nabooru just to get them off the ranch was another. She wasn't fighting for him.

"There you are!" came Ruto's voice.

He had been standing still too long. Still, Zelda had taught him a few Shiekah tricks.

He pulled a deku nut from a pouch and slammed it down, then used his Farore's Wind to teleport away.

He appeared in Lon-Lon Ranch's hay barn, in the back room, just where he wanted to be. He even saw a small stock of food. This was obviously where they kept their winter food.

"Hey!" came Navi's voice. Link was surprised. She had stayed in Kokiri Forest for a while with Tatl, Tael, and Jhan.

She flew into his hat.

"Who'd you make out with while I was gone?" she asked.

"No one, though I'm sure Ruto might have done it to me while I was unconscious."

"Eeeewwwwwww!" she said.

"I swear, she is going to rape me someday..."

"I don't doubt it. You might produce some half-Hylian, half-Zora kid.

"Hey!"

"Well, it's true. If she does rape you, make sure you have that Zora mask on. That might make the kid less grotesque."

He grabbed his hat, crumpled it into a ball, and stuffed it into his pack.

"Mmf!!!" came Navi's muffled voice.

He sat against the wall, exhausted. It had been a long day. First Midna, then Saria, then Nabooru and Zelda, then finally Ruto had done something drastic to get to him. Which left Malon. Knowing her, she was going to do something drastic.

**Yeah, she would, wouldn't she. Anyway, Next is Part 2, the Day Before the Ball. R&R**


	9. Beginning of Part 2:  Malon Finds Link

**Thank you all for your patience as I recovered my story. I uploaded three chapters today merely for a small test. After you read 9-11, let me know what you think about my addition to the story.**

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Chapter 9: Malon Finds Link

Link ate an egg he had cooked off of a pan. Navi was busy scouting the front to make sure no one came near. There had been a couple of close calls involving Malon, but nothing so far.

He sighed and decided to take a nap.

He had only ventured out once a day and even then, not very long. Often he would put on a black cloak to hide under.

As he scraped the last few bits of scrambled egg off of his makeshift plate, Navi flew in from the window.

"How long will we hide here?" she asked.

"If all goes well, tomorrow night should be the last night."

Navi flew up, then turned red.

"Malon's coming!"

Link yawned and sighed, but hurried to clean up.

When he was finished, he heard a door open in the feed silo and he heard Malon hum as she made her way to the back.

Link jumped up and sat on the top shelf, waiting for her to leave.

She gathered a few items, then stopped, looked around, shrugged and started to walk to the door.

Then she stopped.

"I know you're here, Link." she said calmly, setting it all down.

"Damn it!" he whispered.

Malon giggled.

"What gave me away?" he asked.

"I saw Navi fly up into the window. And I know she saw me because we made eye contact, or I think we did. She turned red."

Navi sweat-dropped at her stupidity.

"How long have you been here?" she asked.

"Since I escaped from the Water Temple."

"Oh. Explains why I haven't heard from you for days."

"So, anything I need to know about the outside world? I've been out in brief trips, but I never decided to go around hearing the news."

"Well, about two days after that first little fiasco that happened, Zelda decided to impose a curfew. She says it's to stop bandits from thieving from Ruto's little stand with her Amortentia, which people have been, but we both know better. She's looking for you during the night. She paid a visit about a week ago. Did she find you?"

"Obviously not. A week ago, I guess I was out and about for a brief fifteen minutes."

"I see."

"Anything else?"

"Yeah. Ruto's Amortentia is causing violent sickness in people who drink it. They're easy to cure, due to the fact that Borville is a great doctor when it comes to antidotes, but we don't know what's in Ruto's potion that's causing such violent reactions. Maybe it's intended for Zoras."

"Unlikely. It worked on me and I didn't have any violent problems, but I had Great Fairy's- of course. She forgot to undo the poison."

"What?"

"When Ruto got me with the poison, she knew I'd have Great Fairy's Tears to prevent anything from happening. She put poison in it to absorb the healing effects of the Tears and let the Amortentia do its dirty work. But she wasn't really counting on the fact that the Tears still stopped the potion."

Malon was somewhat shocked.

"Does she know that the potion's been poisoned?"

"Who?"

"Zelda. And Ruto also, I suppose."

"Well, I'm assuming that, in her anger over being stolen from, she likely forgot."

They heard hoofbeats.

"Oh great." said Malon.

"What?"

"Zelda's back. You may want to get out of here."

Link nodded and pulled out his ocarina.

"Oh, and Link?" she asked.

"What?"

Malon didn't know how to put it any way other than bluntly.

"You really need to just pick someone. The sooner you do, the sooner Hyrule will be at peace, particularly the women."

"Noted." he said with a small smile.

Then he used Farore's Wind and warped away.

**On to chapter 10! R&R**


	10. Conversation with Brother

**Prepare for major AI and Fourth wall breakage... And Having-a-girlfriend-bashing.**

**For future reference, _Italics _mean that the author has decided to speak to people in the story.**

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Chapter 10: Conversation With Brother

Link hid behind a bush, wondering where to go now. He definately couldn't go to the Gerudo. They'd have their well-known Aphrodisiac darts that Nabooru would use. And he wasn't too keen on being shot in the ass by them. He couldn't go to the Kokiri Forest, since Saria and Fado were after him. Definately not to the Zora's Domain, because that was a little obvious. And if he tried to walk into Kakariko Town or Castle Town, it'd be like handing himself over to Zelda on a silver platter.

Which left Goron City.

It was still something of a risk, due to its passage to the Lost Woods, which both Ruto and Saria could exploit. But he'd be safe from Zelda or most others.

He played the Bolero of Fire and was whisked off to the Crater.

When he landed, he made his way into the city.

He saw Hot-Rodder Goron rolling around, then turned toward Darunia's room.

He went in to see the huge Goron reading a massive stone slab, which he supposed was a Goron book.

He looked up.

"Brother!"

He ran around the table and gave Link a bone-crushing hug. It was so painful that Link lost 43 hearts and 3/4. His three fairies assisted in saving his life there, but he dared not use his Great Fairy's Tears. He had plans for those.

When Darunia finally set him down, he wobbled a bit, then fell into a chair.

"What's my sworn brother doing here. I've been hearing about you turning Hyrule's women into an angry mob of lovestruck fangirls, but why come here?"

Link explained briefly about his encounters that first day, then about his time in Lon-Lon Ranch's Feed silo.

"I see. Did the girl offer any advice?"

"Not really. She just said to pick someone and fast. But there's another problem. You remember Ruto?"

"Kinda hard to forget her whiny attitude toward being stuck in a temple in the Sacred Realm."

"Yeah. Her love potion, the Amortentia, is poisoned by something rather powerful, and I guess she doesn't know it's there. Any advice on covert operations that I could try to un-poison it at night?"

"Does it cause fainting and much forceful vomiting?" asked Darunia.

"Yeah... How'd you know?"

"I was poisoned by this once. This poison is called Skilna Bragh. It is a moderately weak poison that only does a small amount of internal damage. Basically, it is an excellent way to sicken a target, particularly for assassins."

"I see."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you wouldn't happen to have Great Fairy's Tears on you, would you?"

"Right here." said Link, showing the bottle.

"Good. Tonight, you need to go to the cauldron with the potion in it, measure out a bottlecap's worth of the Tears, and pour it in. I know how strong the Tears are, and if I've learned one thing about Ruto, it's that she holds grudges. If you turn her potion into a harmless substance, and people stop buying, she'll be ticked off at you, because she really does kinda have a way at finding things out, and she could do some terrible stuff. Maybe even find a way to kidnap you again."

Link shuddered at the thought.

"So, one last thing. Do you have any advice about what to do about these girls?"

Darunia sat in thought for a brief moment.

"I would say that you have to pick one and quickly. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but it's probably the best idea. Also, did the Princess happen to organize this?"

"Yeah."

Darunia looked at the ceiling, in thought for another moment.

"It's probably a good idea to take her. Keep in mind that she is royalty, and as such she can make your life a living Dark World should you spurn her."

"Oh great. If I go with her, she'll get spurned anyway, because I'm not interested in becoming her boyfriend. I'm happy single."

"You won't always be. Take my advice as your brother: I was once a lot like you. Stubborn, proud, and a happy bachelor-"

"But I'm not stubborn or proud!"

"I'M NOT SAYING YOU ARE!"

Outside Death Mountain, the Gorons were seeking shelter and the residents of Kakariko Town were hiding because the mountain was trembling from the strength of Darunia's yell. Many feared eruption.

"Now as I was saying, I was a lot like you, when it came to my Facebook Relationship Status."

"You had Facebook?"

"Yeah, but it was a much more primitive version. We used other Gorons to deliver the News Feed. Needless to say, after a good few Gorons died of exhaustion, we abandoned the practice."

"Cool! I wonder if they'll start it again."

"As I was saying, I once refused to ask a girl out. My father Darui actually went so far as to ground me from Mud Wrestling until I had a girlfriend. Needless to say, I wasn't happy about it. In time, I met my wife and we started going out. Then we were happily married."

"So you're saying that my happiness depends on me having a girlfriend? That if I don't have a girlfriend, I'll be mocked or something like that?"

"NO! What I'm saying is that having a girlfriend is for losers! Men are much happer single! I can -hic- testify!"

"Oh great. He's drunk." said Navi, sweat-dropping.

"Umm, Darunia, how much alcoholic milk have you been drinking?"

"JUST FIVE COWS' WORTH! IT'S FAR TOO WEAK ON ME!"

He started to walk out to the crater, swaying heavily. Before Link could tell him that he was going to fall off into the lava, he slipped and rolled into it.

"Well, THAT was entertaining." said Navi, who had a video camera.

"Where'd you get a video camera?" Link asked, perplexed.

"Oh. Rytex gave it to me."

"Rytex? Who's Rytex?"

_I am._

"Who?"

_Me. The author._

"What the Dark World! I'm in a story!"

_Yep. And that means Author Powers._

"No! Don't use author powers on me! Please!"

_Oh, this is gonna be fun._ And then Link suddenly felt a strange urge to sniff his own armpits.

"Oh no!" said Link as he immediately began to start smelling.

Navi was laughing and videoing the whole thing.

"This is going on YouTube, right?"

_Totally._

**Let me know what you think of the awesomeness known as Author Powers. R&R, so that way I know whether I should do it in future chapters. Just one thing, there's another chappie with it next, so dont be hatin' till after you read it.**


	11. Authors Powers Abuse

**I got some recommendations to do this. Be on the look out for a Scott Pilgrim movie reference toward the end. also, I recommend you watch a few episodes of Kingdom Hearts: The Stupid Files and Kingdom Hearts: the Crazy Files on Youtube to get some of the jokes.**

**Beware, Kaepora Gaebora lovers... Owl bashing in this chapter.**

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Chapter 11: Author Power Abuse

_After I had exhausted every humorous situation involving Link's misfortune that I could think of, I decided to let Link off._

And on that note, he headed to the Gerudo Desert.

"Why the Gerudo Desert?"

_Because that's where the next plot event takes place._

"Why can't I go hide in Termina?"

_Because I said so._

"But no one would ever think to look for me in Termina!"

_Not true. What about Romani and Cremia?_

"Oh yeah."

Anyway, Link went to the Gerudo Desert to hide in the Desert Colossus.

"Why can't I just warp there?"

_I never said you couldn't._

"Oh! Right."

Link played the Requiem of Spirit and felt himself be whisked away to the desert.

Meanwhile, in the Gerudo Fortress...

"So where is he now?" asked Nabooru.

"He's heading for the Desert Colossus." said Kaepora Gaebora, who just happened to be doing business with Nabooru.

"So, remind me exactly how do you know where Link's always at?" she asked curiously.

"Oh, I just do." said KG, hastily hiding a pair of binoculars under his wings.

"You pervert! You stalk him!"

"Do not! I just... uh... help him on his adventures! Yeah, that's it!"

And then a bolt of lightning struck Kaepora Gaebora dead. And there was much rejoicing.

"Why'd you do that?" asked Nabooru.

_Well, for one, he lied. For two, he stalked Link all through my playthrough of Ocarina of Time. And it kinda freaked me out a little. And for three, every time I hammered the A button trying to skip through his messages, I kept hitting the one that makes him repeat. So I thought I'd prevent that from happening in future Ocarina of Time-era installments._

"That is a good reason."

_And he was telling the truth. Link's at the Spirit Temple now. Bring your blowpipe and a few aphrodisiac darts._

Nabooru smirked.

"How could I forget?"

Back at the Desert Colossus...

"Should I hide in here?" asked Link to Navi.

"Umm... sure. It'll never work, you know."

"Why not?"

"Because somehow, all these girls seem to find us. You may as well just go out in the open and have a better chance of remaining hidden."

"And how exactly would they find me here?"

Navi flew around for a while, thinking, but Link reached the conclusion first.

"Kaepora Gaebora. I knew that goddess-damn owl was up to something the moment I laid eyes upon him."

"No you didn't. You just said 'Hey look! A big owl in a tree! What's with the binoculars?'. And don't lie. If my Author Powers Abuse gauge is correct, Rytex struck someone with lightning for doing that."

"You have an Author Powers Abuse gauge? Where'd you get that!"

"eBay. Where else?"

"Why you-"

The gauge started blaring an alarm dangerously.

"Oh what now?" asked Link.

"I don't know. Maybe Rytex thought he'd have some fun."

Meanwhile, in Space Paranoids...

Tron was shouting in an incredibly feminine voice "I looove being a cyber-babe!"

"What!" shouted Tron after he got control of his voice back.

_You heard me._

"But I like Yori! Doesn't that make me straight!"

"Not in the realm of Kingdom Hearts, it doesn't. Just look at me and Roxas." said a cyber-cised Axel.

_Yeah. You can't look up a simple Humor story on without it becoming a Yaoi. And I hate Yaois._

"But then why was I screaming how much I love being a cyber-babe!" Tron whined.

"Oh shut up. You got off easy. I had to shout 'I'm not wearing any panties' to the whole of New York City on the Rockefeller jumbotron." said a very red-faced Xaldin.

"Or smile and say "Oh yeah" in a deep voice, referring to that very comment." said Xemnas.

"Or talk about how you wave your private parts at someone's aunties, because they're a cheesy lot of second-hand electric donkey-bottom biter." said Saïx.

_I think he gets the-_

"Or repeatedly ask Sora what Marsellus Wallace looks like. Though, it was rather fun when I punched him in the face." said Riku.

"Or constantly play the girl that people only like because of her big boobies." said Kairi.

"Or constantly be molested by a gay guy with pink hair in a giant castle." said Naminé.

"Or constantly molest a straight girl in a giant castle when you're flamboyantly and openly gay." said Marluxia, causing everyone to snicker.

"Or be the unwilling victim of Ansem the Wise's-" started Mickey, but he was incinerated by a bolt of fire. _That's right. I have the author power to make bolts of fire. Now if anyone tries to tell Tron other reasons why he got off easily, I'll slice their head off with a dull water bubble._

Everyone shut up.

"Why'd you kill Mickey Mouse anyway? Now Disney's going to sue you for all you're worth!" said Riku.

_Because Mickey Mouse is never cool, no matter how many Keyblades he's holding. HA! TAKE THAT, GAME INFORMER EDITORS!_

Back in the Spirit Temple...

"Yeah. Wallace Wells just sent me a text message about it." said Navi, holding up a BlackBerry.

"Where do you get all this stuff!"

"Umm… Internet?"

"Goddamn you, Ryt-"

_Do you really want to finish that sentence, Link?_

"Umm, no…"

_Good. Be a good boy now._

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_**Let me know if I should keep using Authors Powers, especially to unleash a Deus ex Machina later on in the story. R&R.**


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